Day 22

 My left cheek is a little extra swollen today for some reason. But other than that, no changes :/

A miracle occurred and its no longer the seventh ring of hell hot. I still wasn't able to sleep last night though, I was just really overwhelmed from all the classes and running around I did yesterday that I just couldn't get my mind to shut off. I didn't realize how much time, focus and  energy this recovery takes. I mean when I was at home for the first three weeks I wasn't working or doing anything that required my full attention and now that I am I realize how truly draining it is to have to really think about eating.

Normally if I had a full day of classes I would just stay in the student center and grab a sandwich or something to eat between classes. But now it really takes some planning: "okay I have to eat protein so I have energy, do I have time to eat with a spoon or should I just make a smoothie? A smoothie won't last very long though, should I just try to get fries from the student center and eat there? What if one of my bands snaps?" You don't realize how mindless eating is until you can't eat. More than that I also really have to focus when I talk, and smiling takes a lot of effort too. It may have just been that I needed to talk a lot yesterday but when I got back to my room my jaw was definitely tender and even opening to eat applesauce was a struggle. I also notice today that the sutures on the inside of my lips on my gum line feel really tight, like moving my lips is stretching them in a weird way that I never noticed before.

Thankfully I only have one class today and I am off totally tomorrow so I have time to prepare for another long day on Monday. I also got to see my best friend and former roommate, Hannah, for a little bit this morning. She brought me coffee and it was glorious, I haven't had coffee since before the surgery, I'm not sure why because coffee is the elixir of life.

Day 21 (Three weeks post-op)

Three weeks since getting my jaw broken. Damn. I feel like I am finally starting to see the results I was hoping for when I first decided to pursue getting the surgery. The swelling has gone down a bit but I have just given up hoping it will go away quickly. Some people seem to have less swelling but most of those people only had surgery on one jaw, either top or bottom, whereas my surgery was slightly more invasive because they pulled my top jaw forward, shaved down part of my growth platelet, re-positioned my lower jaw and then my chin.

I can almost smile normally now but I am definitely hyper-aware of my braces, most college students don't have braces so it makes me feel like a middle schooler. Another thing I noticed is I have gaps between my teeth now, I knew my teeth were shifting but I am definitely going to have my ortho do something about that. I am breaking out like crazy! My skin is normally pretty clear but I have been eating a weird diet lately, on top of that my skin is shiny because of the swelling. I also feel obligated to explain why I talk weird and kind of mumble-y. I'm pretty socially awkward to begin with so adding acne, braces and a strange lisp into the mix is basically like an instant flashback to 6th grade. I was reading through a syllabus for one of my classes and read "group presentation" and instantly shuddered at the thought of having to talk in front of the class like this. On the phone with my mom last night was a struggle too because she said "I can't understand you" like three times. I really have to enunciate to make sure I get all the words out.

On the bright side, I now have a really good "fun fact" for the first day of classes (Lesley professors are really into ice breakers). "Hi, I'm Bailey, I just had double jaw surgery so please don't judge me if I drool. Thanks".

My face is still numb in some spots and I have mapped that out in a picture for you. I can feel most of my cheeks and parts of my lips, its most noticeable when I first wake up and it feels like pins and needles. My chin is numb but in this really freaky ultra-sensitive way, like I can feel when I touch my chin but it almost tingles in a painful way? Its so hard to describe.

Also, jaw surgery pro-tip: get the Crest Pro-Health whitening mouth wash. My teeth feel so much cleaner since I started using it.


9:30 pm UPDATE: So I just got back from class. Longest day of my life. between the heat, having to walk everywhere while the shuttle schedule is still messed up and having to talk and attempt smiling all day I am exhausted. I noticed halfway through my last class that my cheeks kind of hurt and I must have been accidentally clenching my jaw during the day because the joints hurt too. Not so much that I need to take anything just sort of achey. I blame this on trying to have facial expressions and needing to talk all day. Around 3:00 I noticed that talking was taking a lot more effort than it usually does and I think the muscles in my cheeks and jaw just weren't used to working that hard that consistently. On a better note, I heard from the doctor and I can take the bands off for short periods of time, like for eating and brushing but I should not leave them off for more than 30 minutes "within the first 5 week post op period" this gives me hope that the bands come off at my next appointment but I'm not banking on it just yet. The main thing is to not over open while my jaw is still healing. I can start incorporating harder foods in about ten days and SLOWLY transition into food that requires more chewing. And now I am going to lay in front of my fan and hope Boston freezes over tonight.

Day 20

So running around all day yesterday wore me out more than I thought! I slept until noon today, thank god I didn't have any classes! But I was able to get up and go to lunch with my friend, Rhiannon, at one of the dining halls that was serving mashed potatoes. I didn't even make a mess while eating or snap any bands! After lunch Rhiannon and I went into Harvard square and got smoothies from Ben and Jerry's. The heat is really taking a toll on me too, I get light headed really easy and I have to make sure I can sit down every once in a while but for the most part I am able to function normally.

The swelling seems to be going down a little more, my lips are just shy of being back to their normal size but are still really numb, I am hoping that will go away soon because its really annoying. I still have swelling in my lymph nodes which unfortunately means I still have that hot double chin look going on but even that is not as bad as it was. See that dark circle-ish mark on my jaw line? That is the only external entry point from when they screwed my jaw into place. Not too bad!

I still have a really creepy smile but now that the swelling is going down a little more I have more stretch in my cheeks which with any luck will mean that I can laugh without scaring everyone around me in the not too distant future.

Tomorrow is the first day of classes and I have one from 8:00am to 9:30pm so that is going to be a struggle. With that in mind, I'm gonna take a nap because this heat is kicking my ass.

Day 19

Okay so I moved into school today. All in all it was pretty hitch free, we didn't even hit traffic coming into Boston. My parents and I went on a quest to find a box fan because mine broke and pick up some other things that I forgot to pack then we stopped for lunch, I was able to eat some sweet potato fries until one of the bands on my braces snapped. I am breaking those like crazy lately! Hopefully tomorrow I will find out whether or not I can take them off to eat/brush my teeth. Maybe then I won't break as many.

No change the swelling of my cheeks but my lips look SO MUCH BETTER, the blister/sore/thingy on the inside of my lower lip is so much smaller now and I think within another week it will be gone and so will most of the swelling. I feel like the bands are the only thing keeping me from opening my mouth fully so that's good, every once in a while the left side of my jaw gets really tight and it hurts to open, and both joints still twitch every once in a while but its less noticeable now.

I feel ready to start classes but it sucks that all of my friends live on the other campus this year, but its not like I can eat at the dining hall with other people anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter. I get really self-conscious about eating in front of people because it can get pretty messy especially if I miss my mouth which still happens a lot...Anyway, I still wish I had the next few weeks at home. The doctors said that by the end of 6 weeks I should be ready to go back on normal food and eat like a human again so I only need to get through 3 more weeks. Sounds easy enough right? Wrong. My next appointment isn't until 8 weeks post-op (October 13th) so here's hoping nothing goes wrong between now and then!

Day 18

Good news all around today. I am able to eat off of a normal fork, and I have added a few more items to the list of things I can eat now! Including fish (okay its a frozen fish patty that I have to cut up and squish down flat with the fork), hummus, and lightly blended cooked carrots (with butter and brown sugar). I am also able to change the bands on my braces with no issues!

There has been no change in the swelling that I can see but I am pretty thrilled that I am eating real food again even if it is in a less than solid form. I feel much better about going back to school now that I can eat a little bit. I still need the mirror to know where my teeth are if I'm using the fork but if I'm just using my hands like a cave person I don't need it. Not sure why that works but it does. I still haven't found out if I can take the bands off to eat but I haven't been and its been working so far though being able to take them off would open up a few more possibilities. I am hoping to add Mac and Cheese to the list of acceptable foods soon but I think that might require being able to use a spoon and I'm not quite there yet. I can open my mouth about halfway which is serious progress from last week when I was just opening enough to take pills. I'm excited that this recovery is going by pretty fast, I just wish the feeling would come back in my face.

Day 16

I AM EATING MASHED POTATOES!!!

Its not pretty, and I definitely won't be going on any dinner dates anytime soon but I am eating something in a vaguely solid form and I am thrilled!

To eat these delicious leftovers from last night's attempt requires me to be swift as a coursing river,  have all the force of a great typhoon, all the strength of a raging fire, a baby spoon, a mirror, and at least an hour to kill. Due to not knowing where my teeth are in relation to my numb lips I have to eat in front of a mirror to know where to aim the spoon. I use the end of the baby spoon rather than the actual spoon part, little scoops of mashed potato at a time but before I can put it in my mouth I have to pat it down flat with the tip of my finger, then scrape it off the spoon with the back of my top teeth. It takes a while but it works.

The swelling in my lips has gone down a tad but I'm still puffy everywhere else, no worries, the mashed potatoes will comfort me.

One thing is for sure though, I won't be eating because I'm bored anytime soon. Eating is no longer a mindless activity or something to do while watching TV, it takes a lot of effort and energy and my day from now until I am fully recovered will revolve around when I have time to eat and what I have time to eat. Here goes nothing!

The Mashed Potato Debacle

Okay so I was feeling really hopeful and adventurous after my experiment with M&Ms today, so when my glorious mother took me out tonight to get school supplies I suggested we go out for dinner and I would just order mashed potatoes and see how it went. The worst that could happen is that I couldn't eat it right? I was hoping that wouldn't be the case but alas no such luck. I figured out that I can't fit the spoon with the food on it in my mouth without getting it all up in my braces and to avoid that I have to use the opposite end of the spoon and kinda scrape it off with my teeth but even that proved to be difficult. I am pretty confident that I will be able to experiment with it and hopefully nail down eating with a spoon before I go back to school.

Its weird not knowing where your teeth are, like they aren't where I expect them to be, its almost like my top bite is wider than my bottom and so I'm not used to my teeth fitting together like that and I can't quite get the spoon to work.

I also tried a couple french fries, which were easier to get in my mouth but chewing is definitely difficult. I tried just mushing them against the roof of my mouth but they were too well done and I couldn't get it.

I should just put it out there that the doctor hasn't told me explicitly that I can have soft foods yet, but she did tell me that the soft diet was "as tolerated" so I took that to mean that if I feel ready to try it I will and if it doesn't work at least I can still blend stuff. Ugh. I am still waiting to hear if I can take the bands off or at least partly off, to eat which should make eating off a spoon a lot easier.

The most awkward part of the eating out experience was ordering though, people tend to look at you funny when you order just mashed potatoes for dinner, so it required a full explanation and luckily my mom was there to give that explanation because I am still really self conscious of talking. I am told that I am fairly intelligible just a bit muffled. Which makes sense since my voice has to make it past the swollen mountains that are my cheeks and the limited space between my teeth.

One small victory I had was with the drink I ordered. I forgot to bring a hard plastic straw with me so I had to use the one provided at the restaurant and I was able to use it with little to no problems so thats good, I might have to bring my own baby silverware everywhere for the next few weeks but at least I don't have to bring my own straws!

Day 15

A few new developments today: 1) The blister/sore thing on the inside of my lip is definitely smaller but my bottom lip is still really swollen and not so comfy but I'm just gonna keep the wax on my braces until it heals then maybe the swelling will go away. 2) I was able to eat 5 M&Ms today. I was so desperate to eat something solid that I put the M&Ms in my mouth the same way I take pills and then just crushed them on the roof of my mouth with my tongue (I also realized that only half of the roof of my mouth has feeling in it). There are loopholes in this liquid diet thing. 3) I CAN fit a baby spoon in my mouth. I didn't have food on it but I think the trick is going to be having to flip the spoon upside down the way you would eat peanut butter off a spoon. 4) I can stick my tongue out! I realized that last night and honestly my first reaction wasn't "OH MY GOD I CAN STICK MY TONGUE OUT!" it was "What if I won't be able to touch my tongue to my nose anymore???" That would be so disappointing. Clearly I have my priorities straight. 5) Drinking from a straw is getting easier and easier.

I've started dreaming about food too. Like actually though. Last night I had a dream about eating an eggroll. Nothing else happened, it was just me eating an eggroll. This is my life. This. Is. My. Life. 

6 more days to soft foods.

Two Weeks Post-Op

I can't believe it has only been two weeks, it feels like months since I checked into the hospital to get my face broken. I haven't noticed a change in the swelling unfortunately but I knew going in that I would be swollen for up to 6 months post-op which for some reason I figured was just an exaggeration...it really wasn't. I feel mostly back to normal, aside from the pure liquid diet and not being able to feel parts of my face. I can almost smile now, though my parents say its kinda creepy looking so I will stick to my Kirsten Stewart face for now. Its weird, I can kind of see myself under the swelling now but it has taken some getting used to having my chin be where its supposed to be, like it really changed the shape of my face.

My energy is slowly coming back, though I have to make sure that I eat regularly otherwise I get tired really easily. The right side of my bottom lip is still really swollen from the sore on the inside of my lip, it seems to be healing just not at a very fast pace. I move back to school on Monday which is exciting and terrifying. The best news is I CAN FIT A NORMAL SIZED STRAW IN MY MOUTH!!! Which is going to make eating 1000x easier. The catch is that the straw has to be hard plastic, I can't hold my jaw open for that long unless I bite down on the straw. Minor details. I think I could even fit a baby spoon in my mouth if I tried but I'm gonna wait until I get the okay from my doctor to try that one. Downside: I still can't fit a baby tooth brush between my teeth, I can only brush the outsides. Its really gross not being able to brush your teeth properly but here's hoping I can return to oral hygiene soon, until then mouth wash is my best friend. The antiseptic mouth wash they gave me turns my teeth a really disgusting gray color but I've been assured that it will go away as soon as I stop using it. Tempted to stop using it now but I was told to finish the bottle. I will most definitely be investing in some whitening mouth wash.

One more week to soft foods guys. One. More. Week. I've started making a list of all the things I am going to eat as soon as I am allowed to start soft foods.

• Mashed potatoes (my dad made my favorites and I froze some for this exact reason, I don't know what he does to them but I swear they are crack potatoes)
• Stuffing.
• Cranberry sauce. 
• Panera's Mac and Cheese.
• Ravioli.
• Slightly Underdone French Fries.
• Muffins.
• Brownies.
• Apple Sauce.
• Pizza (maybe, depending on how chewey it is this one might have to wait until I'm 6 weeks into recovery).

I am going to be the only person to ever gain weight after jaw surgery but I really don't care that much anymore.

Day 13

Feeling a little better today. I went to the orthodontist and learned how to take my bands off and put them back on. It takes me a good 15 minutes to do both. I'm thinking that instead of changing them every 3 days its going to be more like every 5 days. What really sucks is that I had the old bands perfectly stretched out so that I could open my jaw to yawn and take pills comfortably and now I have to start all over again. I know its supposed to be tight to keep my mouth closed but in all honesty, I talk way too much for that.

My lip is still super swollen but only on the right side. I blame the sore on the inside of my lip for that, though it has gotten better with the salt rinses and keeping the wax on the bracket that was cutting it. I also have a good amount the feeling back in my upper lip and I have theory that as soon as the swelling in my bottom lip goes down I will be able to feel that too. I've given up on wishing away the swelling in my cheeks. Clearly my cheeks are on strike and don't feel like joining the rest of my face on the no swelling thing. Whatever. My black eye is clearing up a little more too which is a plus. Once I am back at school I might experiment with make up to see if that helps this situation at all.

My appetite is still iffy. I'm not really hungry and I hate all of my options but I'm eating more out of necessity because I need the energy. I tried some new things today, for lunch I blended up some vegetable soup with some beef broth which looked gross but tasted for the most part like vegetable soup. I really miss being able to eat bread with my soup. Bread is on the top of my list of things to eat as soon as I am on a soft foods diet. On that note, I did a thing today guys. First story time:

So there is a market at the end of the road that I live on, and they have the best bakery. Last weekend my mom brought home muffins, chocolate croissants, cinnamon rolls and I'm not sure who decided to torture me and buy the brownies but that was totally not cool. Anyway, these blueberry muffins have been calling to me for days now and I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. Today, a tiny little voice in my head whispered "I bet you could blend that". SO I DID.

Blueberry Muffin Smoothie

• 2 cups vanilla almond milk.
• 1 teaspoon vanilla frosting (this definitely isn't necessary but it was in the pantry and it smelled good. Don't judge me.)
• 1 tblsp blueberry jam. (The jam is softer and blends easier than actual blueberries that get a little chunky and weirdly grainy).
• 1 scoop Ensure protein powder.
• Crumble half a muffin into the cup.
• Blend until smooth.
• Strain over a cup to get rid of weird blueberry chunks that refused to blend properly.

It really tasted like a blueberry muffin. It was really thick though so I had to add more milk and still I could only drink half of it.

 Lizzie was very confused as to what I was eating.

Next time I'm going for the chocolate croissant.