Day 12

Sorry I went a little dark last night you guys. In my defense my Dad is an awesome cook and I can't eat anything so its pretty much torture.

I'm doing a little better today, the swelling went up a little bit today but I think that is because I slept on my side and less elevated last night. I remember being desperate to sleep flatter on the bed and as a result the right side of my face is a little extra puffy today.

On the bright side I went to the orthodontist and got some wax to put on the bracket that has been digging into my lip. The wax makes my lip stick out a little more but I am hoping that in a few days the blister will go away since it is no longer being irritated by the bracket, though I think for it to really go away I am going to need the swelling to go down significantly too because that is what is causing the blister in the first place.

My appetite has pretty much disappeared for the time being, I just really hate soup and shakes and smoothies right now. So I'm doing a lot of juice. Maybe the extra fluids will help with the swelling. I am also really exhausted, probably because I'm not eating as much but I've also been getting out a lot more than I have in a while.

In other news my house is mysteriously out of water so I can't shower so thats awesome.

A Little Ugly Truth

To all double jaw surgery candidates,

This shit is not for wimps. This is really hard and I am definitely struggling. I am hungry but if I have to eat one more can of soup or protein shake I will lose my cool--not that I have much of it right now as I cry and complain on my keyboard. The doctors are all really nice but they keep leaving out parts of information. My teeth hurt, my lips are still really swollen and numb and this might be TMI, but the drooling is getting out of control.

If I am being honest in the last few days I have definitely said the words "I wish I didn't get the surgery". The more accurate statement is "I wish I didn't get the surgery now". I really wish I had scheduled it so that I didn't have to go back to school mid-way through the recovery process and that I had the whole 6 weeks at home. I am totally nerve-wracked about how I am supposed to transition into my senior year when I can't even eat solids. Granted, that is only going to be for about 3 weeks but I'm still not sure how that is even going to work since the doctors gave me the time frame but no instructions. I'm going to be a pain in their asses next week about that. Seriously do I take the bands off when I eat or not? I'm really not sure how I am supposed to regain full use of my jaw if it has to stay banded this shut the whole 6 weeks...there are so many questions that they left unanswered. Hopefully my orthodontist will be able to answer some of those questions tomorrow.

All the other blogs I have seen don't seem to accurately describe the struggle that is this recovery. Liquid diet, no matter how short, sucks. Literally, sucks. I don't understand how people are so nonchalant about it, my dad made shrimp tonight and I just sat at the table and whimpered because I couldn't have any. I don't even like seafood! I'm sick of not being able to sleep comfortably, I'm sick of eating with a syringe because my lips are too fat and numb to handle a cup or straw. I'm just really frustrated with the whole process and I'm not going to pretend that its easy.

I hope anyone about to go through this process or going through it now, finds this a little comforting, I wish one of the blogs I read had been this real about it. Sorry for all the complaining, I'm sure you are tired of reading it.

Good luck,

Bailey

Day 11

 9:00 AM

 2:00 PM

The swelling in my cheeks seems to go down by a fraction every day and I get more feeling back every day too, though when I first wake up a I am always puffier than when I went to bed; but throughout the day it goes down the more I move and the left side of my face is starting to wake up today too. I credit that to the hot compress, Grammy was kind enough to buy me a heating pad that wraps around my face and it really seems to help.


I have these two spots on the inside of my lip that are blistered really badly from when the swelling made my lips press really hard against my braces and I am out of wax so will be stopping by the orthodontist tomorrow to get some and to make an appointment to learn how to put on and take off the bands on my braces. The blister doesn't hurt because my lips are still really numb but its huge on my bottom lip so I think that is making the swelling worse.

Today at the grocery store I ran into two kids I used to babysit and it was so weird trying to smile and look friendly when I can't move my cheeks or lips that much. I really miss having a full range of facial expressions instead of just the one that is some type of combination between resting bitch face and disappointed death glare. On the bright side I feel like I understand Kristin Stewart on a deeper level. I just have to accept that I am going to be like this for a good long time and hopefully time will speed up a little for me.

Walking around the grocery store for an hour really wiped me out though so I think I need to start building my endurance to go back to school this week because on Wednesdays I am literally in class from 8:00am to 9:00pm. But today I think I will just take a nap. Or watch a few movies starring my new spirit animal, Kristin Stewart. 

What I Ate Today Because Obviously You Are Dying To Know

I just realized I did some really yummy smoothies today that might come in handy for someone down the road so here it goes:

Baked Potato Soup


(Find the "Light" option or one with the least amount of sodium, salt makes you retain water and swell more)

• Progresso LIGHT Baked Potato soup.
• shredded Mexican 4 cheese blend.
• 3 dollops of sour cream.
• blend until smooth.
• heat on the stove until bubbling.
• let sit until it won't scald your fresh sutures because ow.

Oreo Protein Shake

• 2 cups vanilla almond milk.
• 1 scoop vanilla ice cream.
• 1 scoop Ensure protein powder.
• 3 crushed up Oreos.
• blend until smooth.

Banana Nutella Protein Shake

• 1 chopped banana.
• 2 cups vanilla almond milk.
• 1tbsp Nutella. (Substitute peanut butter if you please)
• 1 scoop Ensure protein powder.
• blend until smooth.

Day 10

The swelling looks like it has gone down a bit today but I'm gonna be real with you guys here and tell you, I wish I could wake up and have it all be gone and look normal again..er more normal now that my chin is straight. But obviously that isn't going to happen, but in all the other blogs I have found, most people look pretty normal by now and I still feel like a marshmallow monster, especially because my lymph nodes are swollen still and it gives me this really cute double chin/jowls look. I mentioned way back before the surgery that I was self conscious of my chin and felt like I had to constantly apologize for it being off-center, well now its more like I have to apologize for the swelling and the fact that I can't move my lips very much thus making really hard to talk, and hard to understand me when I do talk. That makes me really nervous because I feel like its really important that I go back to school able to make phone calls and I still don't feel like I can do that. I'm probably just being impatient but still.

I am also really nervous about having to change the bands myself now since the doctor did it for me but didn't show me how she did it. I decided to take a trip to the orthodontist on Wednesday to have someone show me how to do it and to answer a few questions I have about how I am supposed to transition to mushy foods in ten days when the bands only allow me to open my mouth enough to take a pill. That just doesn't make sense to me.

My teeth really hurt today, it feels a lot like I got my braces adjusted and its just a consistent ache that doesn't really go away even with Motrin, so that has been really exhausting. Speaking of exhausting, sleeping is getting easier, I've been experimenting with sleeping pills and Benedryl (that sounds so wrong taken out of context) trying to figure out what will get me the best nights sleep, so far both seem to ware off about 3 hours in and I wake up. Also sleeping on my side has been really helpful but it does increase the swelling, every couple hours I have to roll over to the other side because my cheek gets too swollen and it feels like a water balloon again but again, I am hoping that will go away soon.

I am able to fit a really skinny straw between my teeth but puckering my lips around the straw in order to get anything from it is a challenge. I seriously don't know how Kylie Jenner and Angeline Jolie deal with lips like this, although it probably helps that they can feel theirs and mine are still the numbest place on my face. Man, I can't wait for that to go away. Giving them a little lip massage after using a hot compress seems to be helping to bring back some feeling though.

Day 9 (DING DONG THE JAW BRA IS DEAD)

 LOOK GUYS MY CHIN IS IN THE MIDDLE WHERE ITS SUPPOSED TO BE! ISN'T THAT COOL?! No? Just me? Okay.

I just had my "one week" post-op appointment and I am already feeling 10x better about this recovery as most of what the doctor said was good news! And most importantly my chin is where it is supposed to be that that is an incredible feeling.

They loosened the bands that were keeping my mouth tightly shut, (this is the much better alternative for being wired shut) and exchanged them for ones that allow me to open my mouth just sightly and allow me to take them off when I have to take pills which is a good thing because....I'M ALLERGIC TO ALL DRINKABLE MEDICINE! Yeah. As it turns out, the swelling got so much worse because I was having a reaction to either the flavoring or the dye that is in every single one of my prescriptions. I am told that I no longer have to wear the Jaw Bra during the day, I only have to wear it when I go to sleep and I can start using a straw and a cup to eat and I'm not just limited to the syringe.

I tried a straw immediately following the appointment and realized I can't open my mouth that far yet, also the straws at McDonalds are huge. But I had some success with a cup when I got home, I am hoping that as the swelling in my Angelina Jolie lips goes down it will be easier to manipulate a straw. I swear I had visions of being in the middle of class and pulling out a syringe to eat like a frickin' hamster water bottle or something.

As for the swelling, it has definitely gotten better since I stopped taking my meds, so hopefully in the next week it will go down further and I won't need the steroid at all. I am hoping that is true because the side effects of the steroid do not sound fun.

Oh, and I was told that I can sleep in any position I want. Of course they discouraged me from not sleeping on my stomach, which is how I normally sleep but I can sleep on my side now (with a lot of pillows) which I think is a good compromise.

I want to thank everyone who has sent me such thoughtful cards and gift cards this week I really appreciate all of the support, it means a a lot! A special shout out to my two, not-so-little cousins, Megan and Mari, who took the time to draw/print out really cool cards for me! Thank you!!

Day 8

Yesterday was brutal. My face swelled up so much that I could barely recognize myself and it was the worst thing ever, I was so uncomfortable I couldn't sleep. Being the anxiety filled person that I am I called Yale at 3:00 am to make sure the enormous increase in swelling was normal. The keep insisting that it is but I am pretty positive that its not. So I use ice packs and hot compresses on and off all day like the doctor recommended and it isn't until I took a second dose of Children's Motrin that finally came to a logical explanation for the swelling increase: I am allergic to Motrin. Probably not the drug itself but one of the ingredients in drinkable version because after the swelling coming down significantly I took more Motrin and the swelling went right back up.

Worst Swelling of my life.

Luckily, the doctors told me that at my one week post-op appointment they could possibly prescribe a steroid that will bring down the swelling and I am sure as hell going to take them up on that. I move back to Lesley on the 7th and if I could do that with a slightly less fat face that would be amazing. Mostly I would really just love to be able to move my lips enough to talk on the phone, and I feel like that is kind of necessary especially if I am going back to school and need to make another 3:00am phone call to Yale. Also this jaw bra can GTFO.

I just have to make it until tomorrow at 1:00. Until then I will remain incognito.

Just a list of complaints

1. Lips are so swollen and numb it feels like someone turned them into water balloons.
2. I have to sleep in a mostly upright position to decrease swelling.
3. but I can only sleep for about 2 hours at a time or my sinuses start filling up again and I can't breathe.
4. The jaw bra is like a combination collar/turtleneck/actual bra and all of those are things I hate.
5. Eating through a syringe. 
6. The intense cravings for whatever food is in that commercial right now.
7. I can't cuddle with my dog because she likes to sit on faces.
8. I can't sleep on my stomach for obvious reasons.
9. I can't talk and I don't care what you say, finding a pen and paper is always less convenient.
10. My ear hurts, how random is that?
11. I would really really like to wash my face.
12. OH GOD I WANT TO BRUSH MY TEETH I WILL NEVER TAKE ORAL HYGIENE FOR GRANTED EVER AGAIN.
13. Also literally my lips are so swollen and annoying make it stop.

Day 5

Mostly successful day, because my swelling peaked last night and has only gone down a little I decided to lay extra low today. Lots of sleeping and experimenting with different foods to eat.

Alternative to tomato soup: Cream of chicken. it tastes more like an actual meal than just ketchup.

Grammy was able to help me make a soup that was on a list of recipes the hospital gave me and we only had to make a few alterations.

Sweet Potato and Apple Bisque

• peel and dice 1 lb of sweet potatoes (or just two big ones).
• peel and dice one granny smith apple.
• boil in separate pots until soft.
• put into one big pot then add 1 1/2 cup low-sodium chicken broth.
• 3/4 cup apple juice.
• 1 tbsp canola oil.
• dash of black pepper.
• bring to a simmer.
• blend until smooth then strain before serving.

The recipe also called for onions and I can see how for flavor that might be nice but I like it just fine without.

Day 4 Continued...

Starting out with a shout out to the best Grammy ever for taking care of my today! We ran some errands and I got to leave my house which felt awesome...and exhausting! I even got to eat something that was not chicken broth. Okay it was tomato soup...but still a step up. It was kind of like drinking ketchup through a straw but again still better than constant broth. I will be trying a recipe for sweet potato apple bisque some time this week so I think that might be a project for tomorrow getting all the ingredients (maybe Grammy will be so kind as to help me with that).

Unfortunately I was so excited about being able to talk a little more today that I talked too much and ended up having to call the APRN who was on call at Yale because I swelled up so bad. Basically they told me that I have to sit down and shut up if I ever want to heal. So tomorrow I have to cool it and take an extra nap. Okay if you insist. Also in case you couldn't tell, I've literally given up caring about my hair. There's no saving it from the Jaw Bra's mighty grasp.

I see Dr. Stienbacher (also just found out his name is Derrick and I thought it was Jonathan so the initials on my face were DS so slightly embarrassed) on Friday for my one week post-op appointment, keeping my fingers crossed that he will give me the okay to start using cups, baby spoons and maybe even a straw because this syringe thing is getting real old.

Day 4

4:30 AM: I can't sleep and I have yet to sleep through the night. I take my pain medication about every four to five hours so say I take it around 9:00 pm I should be able to sleep until about 2:00 am. Well all that depends on how well I can breathe. One of the issues of not being able to open your mouth is not being able to cough or swallow phlegm that gets stuck in the back of your throat. Not to mention, I can't sleep on my side or my stomach or put any pressure on my jaw at all so all that throat junk is literally draining into my windpipe all night, so roughly every twenty minutes I wake up having to cough and sniffle violently for breath. So that is a delightful new development. The swelling also seemed to have gone down significantly yesterday but it is back and fully swinging so that is painful as well.

I also wanted to explain the marks on my face in the pictures I've been posting. So basically before surgery they marked me up and made sure they were making incisions in all the right places but then didn't clean up their mess lol. My surgeon, Dr. Stienbacher, had to write his initials on my forehead before operating to make sure that they weren't going to be cutting open the wrong person. Which is apparently something Yale has to worry about a lot  because autographing your patient is required before surgery...Thankfully the "JS" that was on my forehead has washed off. Most of the other big markings are sharpie but some of it it blood from when they had to re-position my chin. Unfortunately I can't remove the bandage yet so I am forced to just look like I can't wash my face, sorry guys. Oh and that thing that is on my head? Jaw Bra. That is legit what it is called. And its the bane of my existence. But, "Your hair has never looked sexier" -Collin Schuster.

Day 3

So I like to think I am pretty tough when it comes to pain tolerance levels but let me tell you, getting your jaw broken in four places sucks. So I come to you today from my parents' bed (they have the good pillows) full of extra-strength pain medication (did this ever seem like a regular-strength appropriate situation? I think not) and fairly up-beat. I got to have visitors today and I was actually awake for it and it was so good to see Sarah and Collin Schuster! I have such supportive friends! And neither of them even screamed.

The new meds don't even taste that bad, so I'm either growing as a medication-taking adult or they decided not to keep torturing people who already require the DRINKABLE medicine option.

On the recovery front: this is my new best friend. I've named him and made him part of my hourly routine. Trust me you don't want to know the details but I can breathe and that is an amazing feeling.

I have been eating a lot more today too, two cups of chicken broth and two cups of almond milk. Tomorrow's goal: three cups of literally anything else. Dad said he would make me onion soup so I can at least have the yummy flavored broth.

And for what I am now referring to as "What Scary Thing Do I Resemble Today?"

Miss Trunchbull from Matilda!

Ow...OW OW OW

Just some jaw surgery humor.

the pre-op stuff was overwhelming but the wost part was that I had to take out my nose ring and my cartilage ring which means I have to get those re-pierced. But I was able to get my belly ring back in so yay!

Then I woke up and felt like this.The liquid pain medicine is tastes like the Devil's urine and I kept coughing up blood thanks to the anesthesia. I had a couple of great nurses though, shout out to Dave and Sarah who literally put up with all kinds of shit from me because felt so lousy. As for the annoying ones who kept waking me up you can go fly a kite in this thunder storm. Thanks. 

ONE DAY MORRRRREEEEE

(Totally sang the title like Jean Val Jean in Les Mis)

Tomorrow is my last day before surgery and I could not be more excited, nervous, anxious, and every other emotion in the book. I think I have everything I could possibly need but inevitably I will have forgotten something that my parents will have to pick up before I come home.

Lets just run through the list:

• clear broths and juices for my first two days home.
• baby tooth brushes.
• Holy Grail AKA Magic Bullet
• soups and smoothie ingredients to blend.
• Tub of Vaseline (recommended by a girl in my orthodontics office who reminded me I won't be able to open my mouth enough to lick my lips).
• plastic piercing retainer thingies so my piercings don't close up in surgery.

I think that is all I need right now right? 

I packed up most of my stuff to go back to school so I don't have to worry about that and I finished all my homework for my online class so all I have to do when I get home on Thursday or Friday is binge watch something on Netflix, all of which is a huge relief.

Also, I finally figured out how to add pictures to these blog posts! So in honor of getting my face broken on Wednesday here is a picture of my crooked jaw!

Once I get the images from the surgeon I will add those too but for now these awkward selfies give you an idea. I still can't believe that after YEARS of worrying about how weird my chin is in pictures and feeling like everyone notices it, I will finally finally finally not have to think about it anymore. I mean I will probably be swollen and chipmunk-y for a while but at least my jaw will be straight!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!!!

My surgery is on Wednesday. I need to find a new word to describe how I am feeling because excited and anxious don't cover it anymore.

Anyway, great news! I met with Dr. Steinbacher, my surgeon, on Tuesday and my surgery is less complicated than we had originally thought so I will only have to be on the liquid diet for 6 WEEKS! Everything I have read and everyone I have talked to has said it would take 3 months but he told be 6 WEEKS BITCHES! That seems much more manageable.

Also the guy who did my dental molds at the hospital was my favorite doctor so far, he was sassy and swore in front of me and was gossiping with the nurse about a another nurse who was apparently super dumb. It just made the whole process so much more entertaining and enjoyable, and instead of being treated like a patient he was treating me like a person and that was nice.

I have to admit I have been slacking on the one meal a day thing, I will warn you though: I tried the baby food squeezable things, and anything with fruit in it is pretty good but DON'T EVER EVER EVER try the one with Mac and Cheese and carrots. I'm pretty sure they just packaged the poop of the babies who ate it. You're welcome.

Experimenting Part 1

T minus 18 days 'til my surgery! So I met with a nutritionist last week to talk about the whole 3 months on a liquid diet thing and she had some great suggestions starting with: START EXPERIMENTING NOW! She recommended that I start replacing at least one meal a day with a "liquid meal" so that my body gets used to it and also so that I have a few recipes I know will taste good and fill me up after the surgery. Here is what I have learned so far:

• Everyone recommends the Magic Bullet Blender for a reason, its awesome! I found mine at JC Penny for 50 bucks. Its small (perfect for my dorm room) and it really blends everything!
• Vanilla nonfat yogurt makes a great base for any kind of fruit smoothie, throw some almond milk in and its delicious!
• To make something sweeter, don't add sugar, add vanilla extract or an alternative sweetener.
• Pineapple juice is supposed to make the swelling go down faster after surgery so stock up!

 I also found a couple recipes that work for me. I am only on the third day of trying to replace one meal with a smoothie so I only have 3 right now but more are sure to come!


1. Nutella Strawberry Smoothie

1 cup cut up strawberries
1 cup vanilla almond milk (you can substitute regular milk)
1 scoop of vanilla Ensure protein powder
2 tablespoons vanilla nonfat yogurt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon Nutella

It seriously tastes like a Nutella covered strawberry. Great for those chocolate cravings!
Side note: The nutritionist said that Nutella is really more like frosting but in small doses its perfectly fine. This week I am going to try the same recipe but with bananas and peanut butter! Stay tuned!)

2. Mango Smoothie

1 cup cut up mango cubes (as ripe as you can get them)
1 banana, mango and carrot Gerber baby food (don't judge, it actually works)
3 tablespoons vanilla nonfat yogurt
1 cup orange juice

This was a little chunky but overall not bad, I think I just needed to pick out riper mangos, I am also planning to try this again but add in some frozen bananas and carrot juice or pineapple juice instead of orange juice.

3. Blended Chunky Cheeseburger Soup

Just blend the Chunky Cheeseburger soup until smooth.

I added a dollop of sour cream just to make it look a little more appetizing and was very happy to find out that it tasted like a liquid Burger King Whopper! Now if only I could find soup that will taste like pizza and I will be good to go!