Day 42

Its raining. Normally thats not a big deal. I actually really really like rain but you know what happens when it rains? Theres a shift in the atmosphere that causes more pressure on us mere mortals. Most of said mortals don't notice it, and typically only old people complain about it if they have arthritis. WELL, it really fucking hurts. I swear to you I haven't experienced this much pain since the first week after surgery and even then I wasn't really in pain as much as I was numb and swollen. I started out the day fine but as the day went on I felt more and more pressure on my jaw joints. This pressure turned into pain which has now radiated to my ear, my temple, my jaw line, my gums and molars and right under my eye. It seems to be pretty localized to the right side, again the side that needed the most work. About halfway through my last class it became really painful to talk and really difficult to open my mouth. I actually had to write notes back and forth to someone to tell her what was going on like I did the first days after getting out of the hospital. I felt great yesterday and was so excited to start attempting to chew so I'm positive that this is related to the weather and the fact that at 6 weeks post op your nerves and muscles start waking up more so any pain or pressure is really going to hurt. Did you know that you have muscle memory in your jaw? Did you also know that they don't like to be disturbed and will spend every day after being moved trying to get back to the position they were in for the past 21 years? I have Dilaudid from the doctor for my kidney stones but honestly I'm thinking I might need to take it for the jaw pain. Today was supposed to be my epic return to chewing. So much for that. Two steps forward, one step back.

One thing I've come to realize is that if everyone had the same recovery experience we wouldn't need to write blogs. You aren't going to find someone who had the same experiences as you which is completely terrifying and annoying; because if you notice something, like say that your face really hurts when its raining and then go looking for other people who experienced the same thing but don't find anything you will email your doctor in a panic thinking you did something to completely screw up the healing of your jaw leaving you to live a long pizza-less life. I might be a hypochondriac. Scratch that, I definitely am.

That "normal" feeling we all so desperately want after getting our jaws broken and enduring weeks and weeks of gross protein shakes is an elusive bitch. But so is how you feel the recovery is going. Yesterday I was so psyched that I reached the 6 week mark, but today it feels more like "I'm only at the 6 week mark". 3 months (90 days) is when your bones fully heal, but then you still don't have full range of motion in your jaw, swelling and numbness. Ugh.

So I'm feeling a little discouraged today.

But seriously when I asked if this could get any worse that was a rhetorical question not a challenge.

Day 41 (6 weeks post-op)

"I just want to clarify that this means I can chew now right?" a quote from an email I actually sent to my surgeon today. And Bee-tee-dubs I have officially been given the okay to start an unrestricted diet that involves chewing. Hold your applause 'til the end please.

Okay you caught me, I'm not technically six weeks post op until tomorrow but, I've been having kind of an emotional day and I have classes all day tomorrow so I'm doing this early. I don't usually participate in those stupid Facebook "days" ("its national tiny dogs that wear hats day! repost if you love your tiny dog that wears hats!" Stupid.) and I haven't been posting about my recovery too much on Facebook because I figure of my 600 closest friends and family, the ones who really want to know about how badly I crave nachos on a daily basis will read my blog every once in a while. ANYWAY, its "Transformation Tuesday" and that feels significant. I put extra effort into my make up today even though I didn't have classes and I'm not leaving my room at all, and took a couple of selfies. I haven't really taken any pictures of myself recently for the purpose of looking attractive, all the pictures I post here are for documentation purposes, so it was really strange to take the picture and not have to adjust the angle or shift my head to hide my crooked face. And thats when it totally hit me that I will never have to do that again. I flashed forward to a few months from now when my face is straight, the swelling is gone, the braces are off and I can eat anything I want. That image feels worth the suffering now. However, I still stand firm on saying that if I could go back I would wait until I had the time to dedicate to the recovery. I don't know if I would say that I would "do it all again", once was most definitely enough, I wouldn't want to relive any of it. But that being said, I don't think I could go back to being the version of myself that I was with the crooked face. Just as a side observation: it really did effect my whole face, even the position of my eyes and ears has shifted and is more symmetrical than it ever was.

It has definitely been a transformation. I feel more confident than I ever did with my crooked chin, though I am still self-conscious of speaking in groups of people, my voice is so much clearer now but it still sounds a little lisp-y, but I've never been a social person and I will probably always be self-conscious in groups because of my anxiety. I've also learned a lot about how to regulate my eating habits, portion sizes, eating only when I'm hungry and not just because I'm bored and of course the importance of adequate hydration. Nothing will make you drink 8 glasses of water a day quite like the threat kidney stones. I was for sure overweight before surgery and I was definitely hoping the liquid diet would take care of that, and it definitely helped but I also feel a little more motivated to live healthier now. I'm down twenty pounds and I plan to keep going because I'll be damned if by the end of this I don't look fucking amazing. Excuse the profanity.

But I also find myself not caring about my braces so much anymore. I mean I would definitely prefer not to have them but I'm kinda just like "I just had my jaw broken and I haven't eaten anything normal in weeks, someone noticing my braces is the least of my problems". I will say, that when someone points them out I get kind of pissed off, like "Gee, I forgot about them for 20 seconds there thank you for reminding me". There is actually a girl in one of my classes who also has braces and I swear to you it was like finding a unicorn. The swelling has really come down and most people don't really notice it or maybe college kids really don't care. My right cheek is still really puffy but that was the side of my jaw that grew twice as long as the other side so it required more work during the surgery. I freaked out a little bit after staring at the pictures for a good twenty minutes because the swelling on just the one side kind of gives the allusion that my chin is still slightly off center, something only a person who has grown accustomed to looking for flaws of asymmetry would notice. But after closer examination I decided it really is just the swelling that makes my jaw look fatter/longer and the fact that because of it, my smile is a little lopsided because my lips can't hold up my chipmunk cheek. Crisis averted.

Oh! I almost forgot, I figured out how to brush the insides of my teeth! I've been going about it all wrong, I was trying to fit the tooth brush in the way I did before the surgery: bristles down. But that makes the toothbrush too tall to fit between my molars. What I have to do is brush the outsides of my teeth then open as wide as I can (with the bands on, opening my mouth without them is actually really painful) and with the brush still turned on its side I can fit the bristles between my teeth. It might not be the best method but at least my teeth are getting cleaner than before. I've said it before and I will say it again: I will never take oral hygiene for granted again. Also a waterpik has been really helpful.

Tomorrow marks my epic return to chewing. One small step for Bailey, one giant step toward pizza.

Day 40

Its been 40 days and 40 nights. On Wednesday I will be 6 weeks post op! Honestly I was really thinking that after 6 weeks I would feel back to normal but I definitely don't, like its definitely going to take some work to get back to a normal diet and the doctor kind of made it sound like I would be able to jump right into it. Lol nope. This morning I decided to eat some Greek yogurt for breakfast and I grabbed a plastic spoon to scoop it out of the giant container and put it into a little cup, then I tried to eat off the spoon and failed miserably, its almost like regular spoons are too deep. Its weird. My lips are still numb though I do have more feeling in my top lip than I do in my bottom lip. The left corner of my bottom lip is still REALLY numb like when I touch it I can feel that theres pressure on it but nothing else. I also noticed that my back teeth are starting to get really sensitive.

Other than that I really have nothing else to report.

Day 38

I'm FINALLY feeling better again, my kidney doesn't hurt anymore and my jaw pain is so minimal I don't have to take anything for it. I still can't fit a toothbrush between my teeth yet without forcing my jaw open uncomfortably wide but my teeth are slightly less gross looking so I guess thats a start. I'm starting to explore what other kinds of foods I can eat and I have made some discoveries: Rice is not really a good idea. It gets stuck in my braces and its just really hard to keep on the fork. Lo Mein is actually doable if you cut the noodles small enough. My most exciting food experiment was breakfast this morning, I made french toast, I had to use a little extra butter to make the bread soft enough but man it was so good to eat like a real human again. More exciting news is that I lost another five pounds, but that might change after my next appointment with the surgeon. My return to chewing will be legen--wait for it--dary. (I'm a How I Met Your Mother fan don't judge me). I really miss salad and sandwiches though but now that I can eat pasta (as long as it doesn't need to be chewed and I can just squish it with my tongue) I have a few more options.

Also, happy birthday to my Mama Lady, definitely couldn't have survived this surgery and recovery without her support!

Day 35 (5 weeks post-op)

Sorry guys my hair is a mess today.

Five weeks post-op today. Technically this means only one more week until I'm out of the woods with this recovery! I say "technically" because I don't have my 6 week post-op appointment with Dr. Steinbacher until I am 8 weeks post-op so I am going to stick with the mush diet until I get the thumbs up from the surgeon that everything has healed enough for me to start eating normally again.

I ate Panera Mac and Cheese today though which is one of my absolute favorite foods so I'm pretty happy with the mush diet... for today anyway. My teeth and gums aren't as achey anymore though that could be because I have been taking the extra strength Tylenol regularly. The sutures still feel tight when I smile and when I talk sometimes but making sure that I drink A LOT of juice and water during the day has really helped with that.

My lips and one small area of my chin are the only things that are still numb and I am slowly regaining feeling. I am hoping by the end of three months I will have all feeling back in my lips, though they did warn me that a common result of surgery is that I may have some parts of my lips that never regain feeling or take years to fully regain it. I'm hoping I'm not one of those people but my luck hasn't been so good so far with this recovery.

A lot of people have asked how much weight I've lost since being on the liquid diet and the truth is not that much. I've lost about 15 lbs which from what I've read seems to be the norm for women who have jaw surgery. I'm hoping to keep up with the weight loss even after I return to a normal diet.

My jaw is starting to feel more normal now, like opening isn't as strange and foreign as it was a couple weeks ago. Its starting to feel more like my jaw rather than a prosthetic jaw that they just screwed on. Also, the twitching has stopped which is nice because that was always a bit unnerving.

The swelling in my cheeks is still the same. Its hard to smile because my cheeks don't have as much stretch to them yet and my lips get stuck on my braces so my smile looks kind of crooked but its getting there.

 One more before and after comparison.

Day 33

Its Monday so naturally it was a struggle. I cannot emphasize enough that if you have the 6 weeks to take off from work or school to dedicate to recovery DO IT! Its really stressful having to balance a recovery from major surgery and a normal life. I came to the realization today that I have to stop pushing myself to get back to normal because that led to dehydration and kidney stones. I was supposed to pick up a drawing class on Monday and Wednesday afternoons but honestly that would mean going from 8:00 to 4:00 without a break on Mondays and 8:00 to 6:00 on Wednesdays and that is just not realistic right now or in the near future. I may feel normal in two weeks and I may not feel normal until 3 months post op. I just need to take it day by day. Thats my only advice. Also naps, naps are great.


I have been doing my best to stay hydrated, drinking huge amounts of water and juice. I am officially one of those people who carries around their gigantic water bottles all day long. Its kind of ridiculous. I also took initiative and talked to my painting teacher about how I can't stand for long periods of time. This a mostly new development with the kidney stones because my back starts to hurt if I don't sit down.

Good news, the extra strength Tylenol works and doesn't make my face or throat swell up! I have been taking it on a schedule like the urologist told me to and that has really been helping with both the jaw aches and the residual pain in my kidney from the swelling.

Speaking of swelling! My face looks pretty much normal, the swelling has gone way down in my cheeks. I have been able to smile pretty big and yawn pretty big too. My jaw doesn't feel as tight as it did even last week and I am going to try taking the bands off to brush my teeth again tomorrow because I think I might be able to open wide enough to get the baby toothbrush in there. The girl at my orthodontist's office who had a similar surgery said that even after 12 weeks I probably won't be able to open that much but I'm feeling a tad optimistic about it.

Also, just as a one month update, check out my chin before the surgery and today. Its kind of awesome. Someone asked me today if I would go back and still do the surgery if I could and at this point in the game I would say no. If I could go back, I would wait until after graduation and take the year off before grad school to recover fully (I would work obviously but it would just be so much easier without the added pressure of school). That being said, I think I would still get the surgery because I really do love that my chin and jaw is all aligned and straight. But it was really foolish of me to think that this recovery would be easy or at least just 6 weeks long. They tell you it will take a full year and its completely true. I keep saying it but you really don't fully understand how a broken jaw will impact your life and everything you do until its your reality.

 

Day 31

Technically, calendar wise, today (9-19-15) I am one month post-op. This has definitely not been the smoothest recovery and I have had experiences that most people don't have so in honor for surviving one whole month of this crap here is a list of similarities and differences.

Common Experiences:

• syringe eating
• jaw bra
• snapping elastics
• antiseptic mouth wash and the grey teeth it causes
• gappy teeth post-op
• numb lips
• liquid/mush diet

Different Experiences:

• allergy to narcotic pain meds (facial and throat swelling)
• allergy to NSAIDs and all liquid meds (facial and throat swelling)
• trouble staying hydrated
• kidney stones
• low energy level lasting longer than 2 weeks post op
• trouble sleeping

On the bright side I have found a few more things I can eat. My new favorite is probably quiche, it comes in small portions (that I can cut into smaller portions so that I can eat it), it has a ton of protein in it because its made of eggs and it tastes really good.

Day 29/30

This might be the most important post I have made so far.

After the trip to the ER I decided it was best to come home for a couple days rather than try to deal with all of the aftermath up at school and I am so glad I did. Yesterday I met with my primary doctor who further recommended that I see a Urologist to make sure there were no complications with the swelling of my kidney from passing the kidney stone. I went to the Urologist today and she was the most helpful person so far.

Firstly, beware of Turmeric. It is great for inflammation and pain. However it has been linked to the development of kidney stones in people who are already prone to developing them.


I am apparently one of these lucky people. The Urologist agreed that my funky diet, the heat, me not hydrating as well as I should, and a genetic pre-disposition were all key factors in me developing kidney stones and taking a few doses of Turmeric just kicked it into gear. Luckily she also thinks this is a one time thing for me and that I will probably not have anymore episodes as long as I remain well hydrated. Just to be safe she gave me a list of foods that have oxalates in them that contribute to kidney stones that I should avoid. She also recommended that I try extra strength Tylenol for the pain in my jaw, apparently what I have been taking has had Acetaminophen in it but they were all also NSAID products and that was what was causing the swelling reaction (for which I now have an EpiPen) furthermore, if the Tylenol doesn't work I can get a prescription for a Tylenol-like medicine from my doctor that is not narcotic like Dilaudid (learned how to spell it) but is strong enough to combat severe pain. I just took Extra Strength Tylenol about an hour ago and so far, no swelling! Thank god!

The moral of the story is: HYDRATE HYDRATE HYDRATE! Just because you are on a liquid diet does not mean you are hydrating.

Day 28 (four weeks post op)

Well, I went to the ER today. Not for anything jaw related. My jaw was actually feeling kind of normal today. So heres the story:

I woke up at 6:30 (the perfect time to take a shower in the single stall bathroom) and got ready for class no problems. I took my Turmeric and drank a protein smoothie and got on the shuttle to go to class. I got there super early so I helped the professor set up and talked with her about taking another one of her classes. All was going great until around 8:15 when I noticed a rather uncomfortable cramp in my right side just below my rib cage. I ignored it thinking I probably just needed to sit down for a while. Well it got worse. So I left class to go sit in the hallway and take a few deep breaths. Nope, definitely getting worse. I decided I needed to leave class and go to the health center on campus just in case. Well I was waiting for the shuttle when the pain suddenly became unbearable, luckily my friend John came along and helped me to the public safety desk where I nice public safety man called an ambulance for me. In the ambulance the paramedics asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10, I told them 6-7 because I'm a tough guy. I gave them the whole schpeel about the jaw surgery and what medications I have become allergic to blah blah blah. We get to the emergency room and they put me on a bed in the waiting room FOR 45 MINUTES. By then I was writhing in pain and yelling "Please! please!" and crying. Finally a nurse came and took me into an exam room where low and behold all my symptoms sound like kidney stones! JOY! They gave me some narcotic pain medicine called Dylodid or however you spell it (the same stuff I got at the hospital after the surgery) which thankfully I am not allergic to. Hannah came and sat with me until my mom got there and that was a huge relief and comfort. After about 4 more hours of "ow this fucking hurts" and "yes I want more pain meds" I passed one tiny stone and my pain basically disappeared. The urologist wanted to keep me over night but honestly Mount Auburn Hospital is kind of a hot mess and I really just wanted to go home with my mom. So they discharged me and gave me strict instructions to get myself immediately to an ER if my symptoms return.

My mom seems to think that this could be a result of my funky diet recently and not being hydrated enough. Probably true. So I emailed Yale again to let them know what was going on, I was vomiting so much while passing the stone that I snapped a band off and I didn't have any extras on me so I just had to be really mindful of not opening my jaw too much.

I never ever want to do that again. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I never ever get another kidney stone.

Day 27

Okay, the swelling has come way down. I sent out a virtual SOS on Facebook asking for suggestions on what kinds of natural supplements I could take to relieve pain because I am allergic to some ingredient in all over the counter pain killers now and I got a couple really great ones! The most popular suggestion was Turmeric which is an herb that acts as an anti-inflammatory and pain reliever. A lot of people suggested teas with turmeric in it but I'm not really a tea drinker so I opted for the capsules. Unfortunately the grocery store closest to me didn't carry Turmeric capsules but I found ones at Cambridge Naturals in Porter Square which is a vitamin/herb whatever store. They had straight Turmeric capsules but when I asked the sales lady what she recommended for pain she suggested these other capsules that are a blend of Turmeric, Cat's Claw, and Jamaican Dog Wood that are specifically made to easy pain. It was really expensive costing me 30 bucks for the one 30 day bottle, but I'm so desperate to get rid of the pain it felt worth it. All of the ingredients sound more like a witch's brew but it seems to be working so whatever. I did end up buying a package of tea that has Turmeric in it figuring I could drink it in between taking the pills. The sales lady also told me that the capsules are completely safe so I can take them all day long if I have to which is really comforting.

The capsules definitely ease the pain in my jaw and the swelling has gone down since I took the first two pills around 2:00, but don't really do anything for my sore gums. My teeth must be shifting yet again because my gums are persistently sore. I also don't know if it was the capsules or the tea but I felt a little drowsy after taking them. But its also completely possible that I am just exhausted from this whole ordeal.

The capsules smell like incense (I told Hannah this earlier but tripped over my tongue and accidentally said "it smells like incest" she got a good laugh out of that one ) but thankfully don't taste like anything, the tea is weirdly minty even though it says its peach flavored so I'm not the biggest fan, but I hate mint so thats just me.

I was so desperate last night for some relief that I took one Motrin PM tablet in spite of knowing that I would swell up. The Motrin doesn't cause as much swelling as the others so I was willing to risk it.
this was the result:

It doesn't look so bad but it still was not a pleasant feeling. Refer to day 23 when the swelling had gone down SO MUCH to see the difference. What is more concerning was that I noticed I had some bruising around my eyes from the Exedrin/Aspirin I took the night before, luckily the bags under my eyes I have from not being able to sleep hide the bruises quite nicely. So to all jaw surgery candidates: DON'T TAKE ASPIRIN OR ASPIRIN PRODUCTS.

Day 25/26

Okay so its 5:15 am and I'm awake that is never a good sign, especially since I haven't been able to sleep and I have an 8:00 class.

So today, well technically it was yesterday but whatever, I noticed that my jaw was extra achey and it was a little bit harder to open. I decided to lay low since I wasn't able to eat much and I just wasn't feeling that great in general. Around 9:00 pm I decided to take some sleeping pills and go to bed so that I was well rested for my long day tomorrow, but I couldn't get comfortable and my jaw was really painful even when I laid on my back with my head elevated, so I took some extra strength Exedrin around 12:00 hoping it would relieve some of the tension and pain in my jaw. It did...until my face/throat swelled up like a balloon. I think I must have developed an allergy or a super sensitivity to Acetaminophen because I have never had issues with it like this before and I don't know if thats common after major surgery or what. But I am not a happy camper. Thankfully I have time between my classes to take a nap if I need to and I think I will. Honestly if this swelling doesn't go away by noon I am probably going to email the doctor at Yale again because this is just super uncomfortable and if I can't take pain relievers without my face/throat swelling up thats going to be a real issue. 

5:15 AM:

I mean its not as bad as the swelling a couple weeks ago but its enough to make me uncomfortable.

UPDATE: The swelling went down as the day went on and the pain went up. By the end of my second class it felt kind of like I was trying to pick up a 20 pound weight with my teeth. It hurt to open my mouth and my teeth/gums were really sore. I emailed the doctor in the surgeons office that has been kind enough to answer all my annoying questions about what I can take that won't cause a negative reaction, because the facial swelling is normal and its really not that bad just mildly annoying and uncomfortable but the mouth swelling is definitely not and poses a potentially serious problem. I found out that the Aspirin that is in extra strength Exedrin is actually really dangerous because it can increase risks for bleeding and bruising in addition to the facial/oral swelling so I am staying far away from that from now on. I took Aleve next, just one tablet that only lasted about 4 hours and I did swell up but not nearly as much as I did with the other stuff and I am hesitant to take two at a time because I don't want to have another reaction. The Aspirin definitely caused the worst reaction but no matter what I take, Motrin, Tylenol, Advil everything seems to be causing the swelling. I have NEVER been allergic to a pain reliever like this before and it is so inconvenient because owwwwwwww.

8:00 PM: Sorry about the atrocious hair, I've had to endure the jaw bra again we all know what that thing does.

In other news, I decided to drop the class I had that went from 7:00-9:30pm by 6:00 my jaw has had a work out, can be really sore and I have used up most of my energy and having to make it through a class (Clay) that requires so much focus and new learning was really a struggle; so I've decided to take a class earlier in the day so that I can just go home after and not have to worry about eating enough or taking a nap to ensure that I can function.

Day 24

Not much to report today, my jaw was still a little sore from the work out I gave it this week but I checked with the doctor and she said that its all normal. As for the stretching feeling, she told me that was normal too but I probably wasn't staying hydrated enough so I have been drinking water like crazy. I have been making a point of going for a walk every day that I have off just to get me out of my room and to help build up my stamina. Today I walked about two miles from my dorm to the grocery store and back and I didn't even need to take a nap after!

 The food accommodations people aren't as helpful as I had hoped. I have been eating tuna salad and chicken salad because its protein that I can eat without chewing and so I put it on my list of things I need for next week and I got a very snooty email that said "Tuna salad is in the cafe" and my only thought was yes but its on pre-packaged sandwiches so what exactly is it that you suggest I do? But if thats the only thing I have to buy for myself I guess I shouldn't really complain. Tomorrow I think I am going to go to the dining hall and get some scrambled eggs for breakfast and see how that goes.

There really hasn't been any change in the swelling unfortunately but the numbness in my left cheek has almost disappeared leaving just my lips and chin still numb. Even that is getting better.

One of my teeth is really achey today its one of the teeth that has a surgical hook on it that holds the elastics so I'm wondering if taking the bands on and off to eat has irritated it or caused some shifting. Something to ask about at my next ortho appointment.

Day 23

No smile today. I can feel the sutures all the way around my gums its not that its painful it just feels tight and like they are being stretched too far. My jaw itself was also really sore today. I'm pretty sure its just a result of talking so much the past few days. So I did my best not to open too much today. Eating is getting easier though. I tried taking off the bands to eat and its more uncomfortable than I thought it would be, without the bands my jaw kinda floats open by itself and it takes a conscious effort to close and and open it again, so I've opted to just take the bands half off leaving them on just two surgical hooks on each side rather than all four.

I also learned that I am just shy of being able to fit the baby tooth brush between my teeth even with the bands off. I can force it but its a little painful and I don't want to overdo it. Something else I noticed today is that my ear feels like it popped or is filled with water, I slept on that side all night so I think its just a result of the swelling by that joint.

Its really easy to isolate my self in my room all day when I don't have to go to class and I am really trying not to get into that habit so I went for a walk today and even just a short walk to the corner market was really draining. So I'm probably going to sleep a lot tomorrow and in the upcoming weeks. Also just as a side note, I really miss salad.

Day 22

 My left cheek is a little extra swollen today for some reason. But other than that, no changes :/

A miracle occurred and its no longer the seventh ring of hell hot. I still wasn't able to sleep last night though, I was just really overwhelmed from all the classes and running around I did yesterday that I just couldn't get my mind to shut off. I didn't realize how much time, focus and  energy this recovery takes. I mean when I was at home for the first three weeks I wasn't working or doing anything that required my full attention and now that I am I realize how truly draining it is to have to really think about eating.

Normally if I had a full day of classes I would just stay in the student center and grab a sandwich or something to eat between classes. But now it really takes some planning: "okay I have to eat protein so I have energy, do I have time to eat with a spoon or should I just make a smoothie? A smoothie won't last very long though, should I just try to get fries from the student center and eat there? What if one of my bands snaps?" You don't realize how mindless eating is until you can't eat. More than that I also really have to focus when I talk, and smiling takes a lot of effort too. It may have just been that I needed to talk a lot yesterday but when I got back to my room my jaw was definitely tender and even opening to eat applesauce was a struggle. I also notice today that the sutures on the inside of my lips on my gum line feel really tight, like moving my lips is stretching them in a weird way that I never noticed before.

Thankfully I only have one class today and I am off totally tomorrow so I have time to prepare for another long day on Monday. I also got to see my best friend and former roommate, Hannah, for a little bit this morning. She brought me coffee and it was glorious, I haven't had coffee since before the surgery, I'm not sure why because coffee is the elixir of life.

Day 21 (Three weeks post-op)

Three weeks since getting my jaw broken. Damn. I feel like I am finally starting to see the results I was hoping for when I first decided to pursue getting the surgery. The swelling has gone down a bit but I have just given up hoping it will go away quickly. Some people seem to have less swelling but most of those people only had surgery on one jaw, either top or bottom, whereas my surgery was slightly more invasive because they pulled my top jaw forward, shaved down part of my growth platelet, re-positioned my lower jaw and then my chin.

I can almost smile normally now but I am definitely hyper-aware of my braces, most college students don't have braces so it makes me feel like a middle schooler. Another thing I noticed is I have gaps between my teeth now, I knew my teeth were shifting but I am definitely going to have my ortho do something about that. I am breaking out like crazy! My skin is normally pretty clear but I have been eating a weird diet lately, on top of that my skin is shiny because of the swelling. I also feel obligated to explain why I talk weird and kind of mumble-y. I'm pretty socially awkward to begin with so adding acne, braces and a strange lisp into the mix is basically like an instant flashback to 6th grade. I was reading through a syllabus for one of my classes and read "group presentation" and instantly shuddered at the thought of having to talk in front of the class like this. On the phone with my mom last night was a struggle too because she said "I can't understand you" like three times. I really have to enunciate to make sure I get all the words out.

On the bright side, I now have a really good "fun fact" for the first day of classes (Lesley professors are really into ice breakers). "Hi, I'm Bailey, I just had double jaw surgery so please don't judge me if I drool. Thanks".

My face is still numb in some spots and I have mapped that out in a picture for you. I can feel most of my cheeks and parts of my lips, its most noticeable when I first wake up and it feels like pins and needles. My chin is numb but in this really freaky ultra-sensitive way, like I can feel when I touch my chin but it almost tingles in a painful way? Its so hard to describe.

Also, jaw surgery pro-tip: get the Crest Pro-Health whitening mouth wash. My teeth feel so much cleaner since I started using it.


9:30 pm UPDATE: So I just got back from class. Longest day of my life. between the heat, having to walk everywhere while the shuttle schedule is still messed up and having to talk and attempt smiling all day I am exhausted. I noticed halfway through my last class that my cheeks kind of hurt and I must have been accidentally clenching my jaw during the day because the joints hurt too. Not so much that I need to take anything just sort of achey. I blame this on trying to have facial expressions and needing to talk all day. Around 3:00 I noticed that talking was taking a lot more effort than it usually does and I think the muscles in my cheeks and jaw just weren't used to working that hard that consistently. On a better note, I heard from the doctor and I can take the bands off for short periods of time, like for eating and brushing but I should not leave them off for more than 30 minutes "within the first 5 week post op period" this gives me hope that the bands come off at my next appointment but I'm not banking on it just yet. The main thing is to not over open while my jaw is still healing. I can start incorporating harder foods in about ten days and SLOWLY transition into food that requires more chewing. And now I am going to lay in front of my fan and hope Boston freezes over tonight.

Day 20

So running around all day yesterday wore me out more than I thought! I slept until noon today, thank god I didn't have any classes! But I was able to get up and go to lunch with my friend, Rhiannon, at one of the dining halls that was serving mashed potatoes. I didn't even make a mess while eating or snap any bands! After lunch Rhiannon and I went into Harvard square and got smoothies from Ben and Jerry's. The heat is really taking a toll on me too, I get light headed really easy and I have to make sure I can sit down every once in a while but for the most part I am able to function normally.

The swelling seems to be going down a little more, my lips are just shy of being back to their normal size but are still really numb, I am hoping that will go away soon because its really annoying. I still have swelling in my lymph nodes which unfortunately means I still have that hot double chin look going on but even that is not as bad as it was. See that dark circle-ish mark on my jaw line? That is the only external entry point from when they screwed my jaw into place. Not too bad!

I still have a really creepy smile but now that the swelling is going down a little more I have more stretch in my cheeks which with any luck will mean that I can laugh without scaring everyone around me in the not too distant future.

Tomorrow is the first day of classes and I have one from 8:00am to 9:30pm so that is going to be a struggle. With that in mind, I'm gonna take a nap because this heat is kicking my ass.

Day 19

Okay so I moved into school today. All in all it was pretty hitch free, we didn't even hit traffic coming into Boston. My parents and I went on a quest to find a box fan because mine broke and pick up some other things that I forgot to pack then we stopped for lunch, I was able to eat some sweet potato fries until one of the bands on my braces snapped. I am breaking those like crazy lately! Hopefully tomorrow I will find out whether or not I can take them off to eat/brush my teeth. Maybe then I won't break as many.

No change the swelling of my cheeks but my lips look SO MUCH BETTER, the blister/sore/thingy on the inside of my lower lip is so much smaller now and I think within another week it will be gone and so will most of the swelling. I feel like the bands are the only thing keeping me from opening my mouth fully so that's good, every once in a while the left side of my jaw gets really tight and it hurts to open, and both joints still twitch every once in a while but its less noticeable now.

I feel ready to start classes but it sucks that all of my friends live on the other campus this year, but its not like I can eat at the dining hall with other people anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter. I get really self-conscious about eating in front of people because it can get pretty messy especially if I miss my mouth which still happens a lot...Anyway, I still wish I had the next few weeks at home. The doctors said that by the end of 6 weeks I should be ready to go back on normal food and eat like a human again so I only need to get through 3 more weeks. Sounds easy enough right? Wrong. My next appointment isn't until 8 weeks post-op (October 13th) so here's hoping nothing goes wrong between now and then!

Day 18

Good news all around today. I am able to eat off of a normal fork, and I have added a few more items to the list of things I can eat now! Including fish (okay its a frozen fish patty that I have to cut up and squish down flat with the fork), hummus, and lightly blended cooked carrots (with butter and brown sugar). I am also able to change the bands on my braces with no issues!

There has been no change in the swelling that I can see but I am pretty thrilled that I am eating real food again even if it is in a less than solid form. I feel much better about going back to school now that I can eat a little bit. I still need the mirror to know where my teeth are if I'm using the fork but if I'm just using my hands like a cave person I don't need it. Not sure why that works but it does. I still haven't found out if I can take the bands off to eat but I haven't been and its been working so far though being able to take them off would open up a few more possibilities. I am hoping to add Mac and Cheese to the list of acceptable foods soon but I think that might require being able to use a spoon and I'm not quite there yet. I can open my mouth about halfway which is serious progress from last week when I was just opening enough to take pills. I'm excited that this recovery is going by pretty fast, I just wish the feeling would come back in my face.

Day 16

I AM EATING MASHED POTATOES!!!

Its not pretty, and I definitely won't be going on any dinner dates anytime soon but I am eating something in a vaguely solid form and I am thrilled!

To eat these delicious leftovers from last night's attempt requires me to be swift as a coursing river,  have all the force of a great typhoon, all the strength of a raging fire, a baby spoon, a mirror, and at least an hour to kill. Due to not knowing where my teeth are in relation to my numb lips I have to eat in front of a mirror to know where to aim the spoon. I use the end of the baby spoon rather than the actual spoon part, little scoops of mashed potato at a time but before I can put it in my mouth I have to pat it down flat with the tip of my finger, then scrape it off the spoon with the back of my top teeth. It takes a while but it works.

The swelling in my lips has gone down a tad but I'm still puffy everywhere else, no worries, the mashed potatoes will comfort me.

One thing is for sure though, I won't be eating because I'm bored anytime soon. Eating is no longer a mindless activity or something to do while watching TV, it takes a lot of effort and energy and my day from now until I am fully recovered will revolve around when I have time to eat and what I have time to eat. Here goes nothing!

The Mashed Potato Debacle

Okay so I was feeling really hopeful and adventurous after my experiment with M&Ms today, so when my glorious mother took me out tonight to get school supplies I suggested we go out for dinner and I would just order mashed potatoes and see how it went. The worst that could happen is that I couldn't eat it right? I was hoping that wouldn't be the case but alas no such luck. I figured out that I can't fit the spoon with the food on it in my mouth without getting it all up in my braces and to avoid that I have to use the opposite end of the spoon and kinda scrape it off with my teeth but even that proved to be difficult. I am pretty confident that I will be able to experiment with it and hopefully nail down eating with a spoon before I go back to school.

Its weird not knowing where your teeth are, like they aren't where I expect them to be, its almost like my top bite is wider than my bottom and so I'm not used to my teeth fitting together like that and I can't quite get the spoon to work.

I also tried a couple french fries, which were easier to get in my mouth but chewing is definitely difficult. I tried just mushing them against the roof of my mouth but they were too well done and I couldn't get it.

I should just put it out there that the doctor hasn't told me explicitly that I can have soft foods yet, but she did tell me that the soft diet was "as tolerated" so I took that to mean that if I feel ready to try it I will and if it doesn't work at least I can still blend stuff. Ugh. I am still waiting to hear if I can take the bands off or at least partly off, to eat which should make eating off a spoon a lot easier.

The most awkward part of the eating out experience was ordering though, people tend to look at you funny when you order just mashed potatoes for dinner, so it required a full explanation and luckily my mom was there to give that explanation because I am still really self conscious of talking. I am told that I am fairly intelligible just a bit muffled. Which makes sense since my voice has to make it past the swollen mountains that are my cheeks and the limited space between my teeth.

One small victory I had was with the drink I ordered. I forgot to bring a hard plastic straw with me so I had to use the one provided at the restaurant and I was able to use it with little to no problems so thats good, I might have to bring my own baby silverware everywhere for the next few weeks but at least I don't have to bring my own straws!

Day 15

A few new developments today: 1) The blister/sore thing on the inside of my lip is definitely smaller but my bottom lip is still really swollen and not so comfy but I'm just gonna keep the wax on my braces until it heals then maybe the swelling will go away. 2) I was able to eat 5 M&Ms today. I was so desperate to eat something solid that I put the M&Ms in my mouth the same way I take pills and then just crushed them on the roof of my mouth with my tongue (I also realized that only half of the roof of my mouth has feeling in it). There are loopholes in this liquid diet thing. 3) I CAN fit a baby spoon in my mouth. I didn't have food on it but I think the trick is going to be having to flip the spoon upside down the way you would eat peanut butter off a spoon. 4) I can stick my tongue out! I realized that last night and honestly my first reaction wasn't "OH MY GOD I CAN STICK MY TONGUE OUT!" it was "What if I won't be able to touch my tongue to my nose anymore???" That would be so disappointing. Clearly I have my priorities straight. 5) Drinking from a straw is getting easier and easier.

I've started dreaming about food too. Like actually though. Last night I had a dream about eating an eggroll. Nothing else happened, it was just me eating an eggroll. This is my life. This. Is. My. Life. 

6 more days to soft foods.

Two Weeks Post-Op

I can't believe it has only been two weeks, it feels like months since I checked into the hospital to get my face broken. I haven't noticed a change in the swelling unfortunately but I knew going in that I would be swollen for up to 6 months post-op which for some reason I figured was just an exaggeration...it really wasn't. I feel mostly back to normal, aside from the pure liquid diet and not being able to feel parts of my face. I can almost smile now, though my parents say its kinda creepy looking so I will stick to my Kirsten Stewart face for now. Its weird, I can kind of see myself under the swelling now but it has taken some getting used to having my chin be where its supposed to be, like it really changed the shape of my face.

My energy is slowly coming back, though I have to make sure that I eat regularly otherwise I get tired really easily. The right side of my bottom lip is still really swollen from the sore on the inside of my lip, it seems to be healing just not at a very fast pace. I move back to school on Monday which is exciting and terrifying. The best news is I CAN FIT A NORMAL SIZED STRAW IN MY MOUTH!!! Which is going to make eating 1000x easier. The catch is that the straw has to be hard plastic, I can't hold my jaw open for that long unless I bite down on the straw. Minor details. I think I could even fit a baby spoon in my mouth if I tried but I'm gonna wait until I get the okay from my doctor to try that one. Downside: I still can't fit a baby tooth brush between my teeth, I can only brush the outsides. Its really gross not being able to brush your teeth properly but here's hoping I can return to oral hygiene soon, until then mouth wash is my best friend. The antiseptic mouth wash they gave me turns my teeth a really disgusting gray color but I've been assured that it will go away as soon as I stop using it. Tempted to stop using it now but I was told to finish the bottle. I will most definitely be investing in some whitening mouth wash.

One more week to soft foods guys. One. More. Week. I've started making a list of all the things I am going to eat as soon as I am allowed to start soft foods.

• Mashed potatoes (my dad made my favorites and I froze some for this exact reason, I don't know what he does to them but I swear they are crack potatoes)
• Stuffing.
• Cranberry sauce. 
• Panera's Mac and Cheese.
• Ravioli.
• Slightly Underdone French Fries.
• Muffins.
• Brownies.
• Apple Sauce.
• Pizza (maybe, depending on how chewey it is this one might have to wait until I'm 6 weeks into recovery).

I am going to be the only person to ever gain weight after jaw surgery but I really don't care that much anymore.

Day 13

Feeling a little better today. I went to the orthodontist and learned how to take my bands off and put them back on. It takes me a good 15 minutes to do both. I'm thinking that instead of changing them every 3 days its going to be more like every 5 days. What really sucks is that I had the old bands perfectly stretched out so that I could open my jaw to yawn and take pills comfortably and now I have to start all over again. I know its supposed to be tight to keep my mouth closed but in all honesty, I talk way too much for that.

My lip is still super swollen but only on the right side. I blame the sore on the inside of my lip for that, though it has gotten better with the salt rinses and keeping the wax on the bracket that was cutting it. I also have a good amount the feeling back in my upper lip and I have theory that as soon as the swelling in my bottom lip goes down I will be able to feel that too. I've given up on wishing away the swelling in my cheeks. Clearly my cheeks are on strike and don't feel like joining the rest of my face on the no swelling thing. Whatever. My black eye is clearing up a little more too which is a plus. Once I am back at school I might experiment with make up to see if that helps this situation at all.

My appetite is still iffy. I'm not really hungry and I hate all of my options but I'm eating more out of necessity because I need the energy. I tried some new things today, for lunch I blended up some vegetable soup with some beef broth which looked gross but tasted for the most part like vegetable soup. I really miss being able to eat bread with my soup. Bread is on the top of my list of things to eat as soon as I am on a soft foods diet. On that note, I did a thing today guys. First story time:

So there is a market at the end of the road that I live on, and they have the best bakery. Last weekend my mom brought home muffins, chocolate croissants, cinnamon rolls and I'm not sure who decided to torture me and buy the brownies but that was totally not cool. Anyway, these blueberry muffins have been calling to me for days now and I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. Today, a tiny little voice in my head whispered "I bet you could blend that". SO I DID.

Blueberry Muffin Smoothie

• 2 cups vanilla almond milk.
• 1 teaspoon vanilla frosting (this definitely isn't necessary but it was in the pantry and it smelled good. Don't judge me.)
• 1 tblsp blueberry jam. (The jam is softer and blends easier than actual blueberries that get a little chunky and weirdly grainy).
• 1 scoop Ensure protein powder.
• Crumble half a muffin into the cup.
• Blend until smooth.
• Strain over a cup to get rid of weird blueberry chunks that refused to blend properly.

It really tasted like a blueberry muffin. It was really thick though so I had to add more milk and still I could only drink half of it.

 Lizzie was very confused as to what I was eating.

Next time I'm going for the chocolate croissant.