Day 42

Its raining. Normally thats not a big deal. I actually really really like rain but you know what happens when it rains? Theres a shift in the atmosphere that causes more pressure on us mere mortals. Most of said mortals don't notice it, and typically only old people complain about it if they have arthritis. WELL, it really fucking hurts. I swear to you I haven't experienced this much pain since the first week after surgery and even then I wasn't really in pain as much as I was numb and swollen. I started out the day fine but as the day went on I felt more and more pressure on my jaw joints. This pressure turned into pain which has now radiated to my ear, my temple, my jaw line, my gums and molars and right under my eye. It seems to be pretty localized to the right side, again the side that needed the most work. About halfway through my last class it became really painful to talk and really difficult to open my mouth. I actually had to write notes back and forth to someone to tell her what was going on like I did the first days after getting out of the hospital. I felt great yesterday and was so excited to start attempting to chew so I'm positive that this is related to the weather and the fact that at 6 weeks post op your nerves and muscles start waking up more so any pain or pressure is really going to hurt. Did you know that you have muscle memory in your jaw? Did you also know that they don't like to be disturbed and will spend every day after being moved trying to get back to the position they were in for the past 21 years? I have Dilaudid from the doctor for my kidney stones but honestly I'm thinking I might need to take it for the jaw pain. Today was supposed to be my epic return to chewing. So much for that. Two steps forward, one step back.

One thing I've come to realize is that if everyone had the same recovery experience we wouldn't need to write blogs. You aren't going to find someone who had the same experiences as you which is completely terrifying and annoying; because if you notice something, like say that your face really hurts when its raining and then go looking for other people who experienced the same thing but don't find anything you will email your doctor in a panic thinking you did something to completely screw up the healing of your jaw leaving you to live a long pizza-less life. I might be a hypochondriac. Scratch that, I definitely am.

That "normal" feeling we all so desperately want after getting our jaws broken and enduring weeks and weeks of gross protein shakes is an elusive bitch. But so is how you feel the recovery is going. Yesterday I was so psyched that I reached the 6 week mark, but today it feels more like "I'm only at the 6 week mark". 3 months (90 days) is when your bones fully heal, but then you still don't have full range of motion in your jaw, swelling and numbness. Ugh.

So I'm feeling a little discouraged today.

But seriously when I asked if this could get any worse that was a rhetorical question not a challenge.