Okay you caught me, I'm not technically six weeks post op until tomorrow but, I've been having kind of an emotional day and I have classes all day tomorrow so I'm doing this early. I don't usually participate in those stupid Facebook "days" ("its national tiny dogs that wear hats day! repost if you love your tiny dog that wears hats!" Stupid.) and I haven't been posting about my recovery too much on Facebook because I figure of my 600 closest friends and family, the ones who really want to know about how badly I crave nachos on a daily basis will read my blog every once in a while. ANYWAY, its "Transformation Tuesday" and that feels significant. I put extra effort into my make up today even though I didn't have classes and I'm not leaving my room at all, and took a couple of selfies. I haven't really taken any pictures of myself recently for the purpose of looking attractive, all the pictures I post here are for documentation purposes, so it was really strange to take the picture and not have to adjust the angle or shift my head to hide my crooked face. And thats when it totally hit me that I will never have to do that again. I flashed forward to a few months from now when my face is straight, the swelling is gone, the braces are off and I can eat anything I want. That image feels worth the suffering now. However, I still stand firm on saying that if I could go back I would wait until I had the time to dedicate to the recovery. I don't know if I would say that I would "do it all again", once was most definitely enough, I wouldn't want to relive any of it. But that being said, I don't think I could go back to being the version of myself that I was with the crooked face. Just as a side observation: it really did effect my whole face, even the position of my eyes and ears has shifted and is more symmetrical than it ever was.
It has definitely been a transformation. I feel more confident than I ever did with my crooked chin, though I am still self-conscious of speaking in groups of people, my voice is so much clearer now but it still sounds a little lisp-y, but I've never been a social person and I will probably always be self-conscious in groups because of my anxiety. I've also learned a lot about how to regulate my eating habits, portion sizes, eating only when I'm hungry and not just because I'm bored and of course the importance of adequate hydration. Nothing will make you drink 8 glasses of water a day quite like the threat kidney stones. I was for sure overweight before surgery and I was definitely hoping the liquid diet would take care of that, and it definitely helped but I also feel a little more motivated to live healthier now. I'm down twenty pounds and I plan to keep going because I'll be damned if by the end of this I don't look fucking amazing. Excuse the profanity.
But I also find myself not caring about my braces so much anymore. I mean I would definitely prefer not to have them but I'm kinda just like "I just had my jaw broken and I haven't eaten anything normal in weeks, someone noticing my braces is the least of my problems". I will say, that when someone points them out I get kind of pissed off, like "Gee, I forgot about them for 20 seconds there thank you for reminding me". There is actually a girl in one of my classes who also has braces and I swear to you it was like finding a unicorn. The swelling has really come down and most people don't really notice it or maybe college kids really don't care. My right cheek is still really puffy but that was the side of my jaw that grew twice as long as the other side so it required more work during the surgery. I freaked out a little bit after staring at the pictures for a good twenty minutes because the swelling on just the one side kind of gives the allusion that my chin is still slightly off center, something only a person who has grown accustomed to looking for flaws of asymmetry would notice. But after closer examination I decided it really is just the swelling that makes my jaw look fatter/longer and the fact that because of it, my smile is a little lopsided because my lips can't hold up my chipmunk cheek. Crisis averted.
Oh! I almost forgot, I figured out how to brush the insides of my teeth! I've been going about it all wrong, I was trying to fit the tooth brush in the way I did before the surgery: bristles down. But that makes the toothbrush too tall to fit between my molars. What I have to do is brush the outsides of my teeth then open as wide as I can (with the bands on, opening my mouth without them is actually really painful) and with the brush still turned on its side I can fit the bristles between my teeth. It might not be the best method but at least my teeth are getting cleaner than before. I've said it before and I will say it again: I will never take oral hygiene for granted again. Also a waterpik has been really helpful.
Tomorrow marks my epic return to chewing. One small step for Bailey, one giant step toward pizza.
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